Due to certain mercurial circumstances, I recently purchased a few new pairs of tights for my daughter. This morning as we were preparing for church, I presented her with one of these -- a sparkly black pair. On seeing them, her eyes lit up, and she oohed several times in her helium voice. Then she exclaimed, "Oh mom! I'm so happy! My friends at church will see these and wish that they had tights just like mine."
In my head, I heard this C.S. Lewis quote -- "Pride gets no pleasure out of having something, only out of having more of it than the next man." And it hit me like a brick wall. How in the world did my 5-year-old learn the art of wanting her friends to be jealous of her? Hopefully not from me (because of COURSE I am the most humble person I know...)
More importantly, though, as I considered how "universal" pride can be, I was reminded of a question that I have really only had since having daughters.
How does one help girls to have a positive self-image, and an appreciation for beauty and femininity (i.e., getting them to let me put them in a dress and actually comb their hair) while helping them to realize that looks aren't everything and that inner beauty is what counts the most?
I think I have nightmares about messing this up in either direction. Either I end up with a snotty, image-obsessed, "pretty" girl, or I end up with a nose-picking, matted-hair girl who laughs at fart jokes. And frankly, neither one seems very attractive.
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2 comments:
that is such a good question--a difficult balance to strike with our girls.
I, too, have pondered that C.S. Lewis quote.
It is an excellent question. Keep in mind a couple of things perhaps.
I don't think children learn this type of thing per se, as this is likely a trait of the "natural" man (or woman) and is thus something that by nature we're born into this world with a tendency to exhibit. Of course, this doesn't preclude the fact that it's each person's responsibility to overcome the weaknesses of the flesh and rise to the level of allowing our spirits to be in charge.
The other thought is essentially an answer to the question of how one balances an appreciation for physical beauty and femininity with the realization that looks aren't everything, and that it's the development of an inner beauty that's important as well.
Frankly, I think the question is the answer as well. You take the time to teach children that concept through word and deed, helping them to build their self-image on the fact that they are children of our Heavenly Father.
I'll even go so far as to say that coming to a distinct realization of one's worth in the eyes of God leads to one taking the time to be mindful of and keep in the proper balance their physical looks, and the appreciation for such things.
It was many a time as a missionary that we'd encounter someone that would not be the most physically focused person; treating themselves poorly in so many ways from a physical perspective. It was always interesting to see how they would then proceed to change that when the realization came they were a child of God and he loved them.
The accompanying physical changes were often stunning.
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